Mom so Hard all the Mommas Wanna High Five Me

Humility, it’s the remembering of how conditioned we are. Enough. I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. Don’t you think you have enough children, now? Is being a stay at home Mom enough for you? How long will it be enough? Are your children socializing enough? Are they stimulated enough? How do you have enough to afford it? Enough is enough!! I’ve had those and way more questions asked of me. Clearly letting me know that being “just a mom” isn’t enough. It’s a lie that I played into for far too long. That was definitely a choice that I made, but I think that our insta insight, our increasingly virtual lifestyles, our highlight reel comparative narrative has conditioned us to compare one woman up against another in every way imaginable. Including our choices as a mother. For better or for worse we knowingly and unknowingly either covet another woman’s crown or stop to fix it. Mothers need community, encouragement, the freedom to feel, more strength, and more hope. Just because I feel like throwing the baby out with the bath doesn’t make me a bad mother. Telling a friend, or posting a status, saying I feel like throwing the baby out with the bath isn’t an invitation to call cys. It’s a beacon signaling for all those who can be honest and real to say, “Hey, me too!” or “I’ve been there and survived.” This allows us Mommas to keep momming from a place where our best hope lies instead of being drowned by our worst fear, that our kid is going to be all shades of screwed up and it’s all our fault. Let’s collectively take moms off of the firing range, please. Being this new someone - who is a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend - who is committed to personal growth in strength and healing means that daily I’m smacked down, beaten up, and then just plain put in my place, by what I choose to submit to. The troll that lives under the bridge in my mind has an all out intergalactic battle with my inner man for who will sit on the throne of my heart for that day/moment, and I welcome it. It’s what I signed up for. Just like my choice to have four beautiful children. I don’t need, nor want, an honors ceremony for being a mom or facing my demons. I just want us to remind each other, to offer some encouragement, to help train our inner dialogues to sound more like enough. I have enough. I do enough. I am enough.